i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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