You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
