My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
