I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
