how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
