I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
