He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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