You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
