I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
