If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
