I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
