i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
