your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
