oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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