Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
