My sheets look like a crime scene.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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