South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My penis needs a shock collar
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
