is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
