True but thats because hes a fetus.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
