I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
