My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
