just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
