but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
