I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
