I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
