I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A bitchslap is in order.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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