pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
