Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
