After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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