somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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