Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
