This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
