I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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