you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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