I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize