I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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