You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
