Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
