fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize