i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it glows. i had to have it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
