I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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