I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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