everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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