Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
