everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
