so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
