M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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