I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
false alarm, still single
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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