Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
