i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize