Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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