hotel room ftw
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
