sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
