he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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