when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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