I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
