when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
