I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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