I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
