brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
