im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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