youre lurking in front of me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
