life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
