I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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