i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
