I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
