whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
