i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
