could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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