I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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