my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
