She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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