I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
