How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
