Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
