i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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