tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
