He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
