we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The adults are the big ones right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
