i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
