Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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