I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
