if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
