Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
