are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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