there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize