I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
