OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
