they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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