hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
did i just pee glitter
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
