So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
