She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
